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Tuesday, June 19, 2007
New to this/"going out"
I thought that it was probably about time I started a blog. I mean, it's starting to become a pain writing all this stuff down. Honestly, I don't have the time or patience to do that. I don't really know much about blogging other than that it is a way to vent some emotions and some other people can read it and maybe give some advice and also acts as a webpage. That's cool, as long as you don't tell anyone it's you writing all this, right? If someone I know is reading this, then I'm sorry you have to read this. If you are someone I don't know, then good. At least someone cares about my thoughts that's not my guidance counselor. I think this will be good for me.
One thing that has been on my mind constantly is the subject of boyfriends and girlfriends. Obviously, you want to be with someone that cares about you, and that you care about. That is my idea of what it should be. Of course, it's not that simple. People ask other people out because of dares, a 1 or 2 day whim or something to that extent. Oh, and here's what gets me. People think that just because someone said to them "Hey d'you want to go out with me?" and they said yes, that they are going out. I don't know about you, but unless you honestly go out on a date then you really aren't going out at all. It kind of defeats the purpose of the name. Now, I'm a high schooler and that just how it worked in the past. I only just got out of middle school and have not yet started high school so obviously it might be different. But what I'm thinking is that until we actually get cars and can drive ourselves places, it's probably going to be more of the same.
But here's another thing that confuses me; even though people say they are "going out" and all that jazz, there's so much pressure to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Being a girl at least, there's a lot of pressure. I know it's really superficial and stupid of me to think this, but I'm kinda starting to buy into all this stuff. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I've tried my hardest to tell myself that I don't care, but I do! I care a lot! Don't get me wrong, a good deal of my friends were so much happier while they had boyfriends and girlfriends. But I've never had a boyfriend in school, so everyone thinks I've never been in a serious relationship. Honestly, now that I read that it looks like someone else typed that, but nope. It was me. Somehow I feel as if having a boyfriend or girlfriend is supposed to prove yourself worthy of their respect, which is completely and utterly untrue some would say, but deep down, every girl knows it's true.
Sometimes I wonder why no one every even looks at me at school. No guys ever come to talk to me. Ok, so I don't really wonder because obviously something's wrong with me, but I can't seem to figure it out. Is it my behaviour? My looks? My personality? Come on everyone, I mean all of you have probably wondered this for yourself. Don't lie. Maybe it's my ethnicity. My entire school practically is white and Catholic. I am azn and agnostic. Something just isn't clicking. The girls whom I thought would be the last to get boyfriends are now walking down the hallways holding hands with guys. I don't know anymore...
Now that I read over this, I realize it sounds extremely bitter. Well, I suppose I've been holding a lot of bitterness in, but that's the reason that I started to keep a blog right?
One thing that has been on my mind constantly is the subject of boyfriends and girlfriends. Obviously, you want to be with someone that cares about you, and that you care about. That is my idea of what it should be. Of course, it's not that simple. People ask other people out because of dares, a 1 or 2 day whim or something to that extent. Oh, and here's what gets me. People think that just because someone said to them "Hey d'you want to go out with me?" and they said yes, that they are going out. I don't know about you, but unless you honestly go out on a date then you really aren't going out at all. It kind of defeats the purpose of the name. Now, I'm a high schooler and that just how it worked in the past. I only just got out of middle school and have not yet started high school so obviously it might be different. But what I'm thinking is that until we actually get cars and can drive ourselves places, it's probably going to be more of the same.
But here's another thing that confuses me; even though people say they are "going out" and all that jazz, there's so much pressure to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Being a girl at least, there's a lot of pressure. I know it's really superficial and stupid of me to think this, but I'm kinda starting to buy into all this stuff. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I've tried my hardest to tell myself that I don't care, but I do! I care a lot! Don't get me wrong, a good deal of my friends were so much happier while they had boyfriends and girlfriends. But I've never had a boyfriend in school, so everyone thinks I've never been in a serious relationship. Honestly, now that I read that it looks like someone else typed that, but nope. It was me. Somehow I feel as if having a boyfriend or girlfriend is supposed to prove yourself worthy of their respect, which is completely and utterly untrue some would say, but deep down, every girl knows it's true.
Sometimes I wonder why no one every even looks at me at school. No guys ever come to talk to me. Ok, so I don't really wonder because obviously something's wrong with me, but I can't seem to figure it out. Is it my behaviour? My looks? My personality? Come on everyone, I mean all of you have probably wondered this for yourself. Don't lie. Maybe it's my ethnicity. My entire school practically is white and Catholic. I am azn and agnostic. Something just isn't clicking. The girls whom I thought would be the last to get boyfriends are now walking down the hallways holding hands with guys. I don't know anymore...
Now that I read over this, I realize it sounds extremely bitter. Well, I suppose I've been holding a lot of bitterness in, but that's the reason that I started to keep a blog right?
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